Birth Story- Welcoming Neyland Alizabeth Crouch!

I know I haven't blogged for a while. Things have kinda been insane and exhausting. Plus there wasn't much to tell. I was pregnant and ready to meet my baby!!
My water broke around 1:30 in the morning. Since I had planned to not get an epidural and not really contracting I stayed at home. My birthing ball and FRIENDS (the tv show) kept me occupied till 6 or so that morning when Eric woke up and I made all of the necessary call to let everyone know we were going to be on our way to the hospital soon.
 It was so crazy realizing we would not be returning home alone. It was rainy and nasty that day. I was uncomfortable but not hurting. When we got to the hospital around 8:30 I was greeted by my wonderful friend Kelley who was going to be my nurse!! I was so excited she was there. It calmed me because we had been talking about my labor since before I was even pregnant. She knew exactly what I wanted and how I wanted it. Between her, Camille, and my midwife I knew I was in the best hands possible. Nicole (the midwife) checked me and I was 3! YAY! Change! So I went walking. I walked and got on the ball, and showered, broke the rest of the bag of water (OMG how GROSS!! I knew it would keep coming, I tell my patients that all the time. Its completely different when you have it done to you....its gross!!)
So I walked and rested and walked and got on the ball..... and walked. Some where during this time it got to the point where walking was no longer an option. I had been ruptured for too long with only a small amount of change and irregular contractions still. So Pitocin it was. Grrr. I was hoping not to have to get pitocin. But I knew it was coming. I had tried everything else. If pitocin was the worst thing I had to do it was better then a c-section! I have no idea what time it was by this point but I do remember looking out the window and mentioning it was dark again.... Thats right AGAIN!! I had been in labor for 18 hours by this point. I was checked at some point and I was 6cms. I dont remember much after this point. Labor had become real and I was in total tune with what my body was doing. A room that I had welcomed with conversation (it distracted me from the pain) was now quiet. I was now the one making noise!! All I could do was breath...with a few choice words inserted here and there. Apparently I was quite funny during this time. I wish I could remember. I was in a constant state of prayer, and connecting with my baby telling it to COME OUT....NOW!!! I did and said things (like almost kicking my best friend in the face....sorry Camille!) that I don't remember saying or doing!!
 Then I hit that point. The point I tell every women about who tells me they want to go natural. The point of doubt. Where the pain is so unbearable and you want so badly for it to just stop that you start telling anyone in the room that will listen that you cant do it......that you are surely going to die. Just so you know...I was no where near dying....but I felt like I was darn close. The pressure was ungodly. I had to push way before I was able to. If you have ever felt that, you know what I am talking about. Its awful.  The next thing I do remember was Melissa, the midwife, checking me and telling me I was 8cms. I was so mad because I just knew I had to push but couldn't. This was SO HARD!! 45min (or so) later I was told I was 9...."Do you want to push pass it??" YES!!! I pushed and I was complete. I pushed again....There was hair!! I pushed again....more hair!!! I pushed again....even more hair! Another push....there was a head....another push.....IT'S A GIRL!!! It was a GIRL!!! AND SHE  HAD HAIR!! I was in complete shock!! I had been told my entire pregnancy that people just knew it was a boy. I secretly wanted a girl the whole time but would never admit it. I didn't want to be disappointed. We were so excited! Then it hit me....I had achieved my goal, what everyone told me I wouldn't be able to do (or my favorite....."just wait.....you'll get to 4 and be begging for an epidural"). I couldn't believe I had done it! Did I really just give birth....without any medication?? I did!! 21 hours later my girl was in my arms. I was just in shock and complete love. I couldn't believe she was mine! She was ours! Eric had been so good through the entire labor. Not to mention I had the BEST group of women ever. All friends/co-workers. All made my desire for a natural labor possible. They reminded me to relax, rubbed my back, my legs, my feet. If it would not have been for them I would have surely acted a fool!! I would not have been able to keep myself calm for sure! They were the best! (I did miss my Courtney though!)
I was told afterwards I kept saying over and over again " what just happened? Did I really just have a baby?? OMG I just had a baby?? Are sure she's mine?!? What just happened??" The best way I can describe it or explain it was almost out of body. I guess because I have, for 4 years, been the nurse beside the patient telling them to push, you can do it, push, push, push. I guess in my mind I was the nurse standing on the side of the bed....not the actual patient in the bed. I know. It's weird. But it really wasn't until that night while I was breastfeeding my new baby that I had actually realized what I had done. And after thinking about it, it wasn't really all that bad. No I didn't forget that pain. That part was real. But for my first baby and being awake since 1:30 am, being ruptured for as long as I was, what i did was pretty amazing. I was always impressed with the girls who came in and stuck with their plans even though it took longer, and didn't go exactly as planned. Realizing I did what I had set out to do made it all the more sweeter. My reward was no different. I delivered a healthy baby and in the end that was the ultimate goal, no matter how it was going to happen.
Neyland will be 7 weeks tomorrow! Where has the time gone? It has not been the easiest 7 weeks. Labor was the easy part!! Breastfeeding has no been what I thought it would be. Its so much harder then these hard core breastfeeding moms make it out to be. None the less we are working through the hard days and still breastfeeding, except for her last feed at night due to the fact that she will have to take a bottle at night when I go back to work. We wanted to have a well established bed time routine before I went back. She is also sleeping in her own crib and most nights through the night!! I return back to work in 2 weeks. I can't believe its already time =(. But thankfully Eric will be out of school and his mom will take over when he goes back. By then she will be 4 months old! Thats crazy to me because we found out we were pregnant the weekend before he went back to school last year!
**** PSA: My birth birth without medication does not make it any more special then anyone else. Birth is a miracle no matter how it occurs. It is what I do and I know from experience as long as there is a healthy baby in the end that is all that matters. This was my choice, my goal, my birth experience that I desired. In the end as long as you are happy with your birth experience that is all that matters!

33 weeks and loving it?!?

Haven't updated in a while...I know....Who reads this thing anyways!! This whole baby thing has been an adventure. I thought doing what I do I would be more prepared then the average pregnant women. I forgot that my job mostly deals with the laboring women....not the everyday pregnant one.
Eric and I got pregnant VERY fast. It was almost so shocking that I didn't believe it at first (I took 5 test before I could come to terms with it).
I was very lucky. I mean VERY lucky and blessed with almost no nausea.... but I was HUNGRY!! I mean the kind of hungry that I can't even begin to describe. The best description I can think of is the they describe the thirst new vampires have for blood in Twilight.... I would kill for food. I was so hungry I would snatch food from a small child. A small, hungry, child. I was so hungry. I cried, and worried and thirsted over food. Ask my friends.... and my husband.
My Second trimester brought on a whole other set of symptoms. The beginning of October the L&D unit at Doctors closed for good. I started working at Midtown Medical in L&D. This was a change. It was like starting a new job all over again....with out really starting a new job. As a labor nurse I knew the dangers of what could happen during pregnancy. The only thing is we were mostly shielded from that at Doctors. We dealt mostly with healthy, normal pregnancies. We had our share of sick ones and occasional fetal demises, but this was different. A sick pregnant women was not out of the norm any more, it was an every day thing. I think in the first month I worked there every time I came in there was something going on....and they all had around the same due date as me. Most people don't realize how much can go wrong. Not to scare anyone or sound vain...but I lost the connection with my baby. I just could't attach. It was suddenly too early. Too much could happen. No one seemed to understand.  I was no longer happy and excited. I was scared. Scared that the same thing that was happening to them, would happen to me... to us. I didn't want to hear about the baby, see baby stuff, and I especially didn't want it in my house. It was too much. People would ask me how I was and come up to me smiling and excited and I just wanted to scream!!!! I had no medical reason to worry. Everything was fine, nothing abnormal with me or the baby. But I knew too much. This is the part of pregnancy that everyone failed to tell me about. I was starting to worry that I would never be that "happy pregnant women". You know, the one thats always smiling and glowing and acting all googly because they are pregnant and seem oblivious. I wish I could have been oblivious. Whats that saying?? "ignorance is bliss". Oh so true.  I don't know if it was changing jobs, a higher acuity of patients,  getting to know new people, in new surroundings, with new ways of doing things, on top of being separated from all my work friends I was used to, the holidays, on top of being pregnant. I'm not sure. Probably a little of it all.  But for some reason after the new year  it was like I could breath again. I had reached the 25 week mark and viable....too early.... but viable. And a light at the end of the tunnel.
This, the third trimester, has been pretty good. I've started this weird sleeping pattern lately. It started out around 20 weeks I would wake up around 2 am every night.... and could never go back to sleep till around 5. Then it moved to 4.....then 5... and now I'm back to sleeping the whole night! Weird. I'm sure it will change again. But other then accommodating my growing stomach, which came out of now where I might add, I feel great. Probably the best I have felt physically and emotionally since August. With only having around 7 weeks left I know it will be here before we know it. The nursery is almost done, with the exception of the last minute decision to redo the closet and getting the bedding.... thats a whole other story. With 2 more showers left as well I'm hoping we will have no problems getting the rest of the stuff we need for Baby Crouch! I can honestly say I am now that happy, excited pregnant women. We are ready! Ready to know and see our sweet baby. They say it has hair!! We'll see. 7 weeks.....48 days.....20 night shifts left. But who's counting??

10 questions!

So I'm sure if you have any interest in reading this silly blog of mine I'm sure you already know that I'm pregnant!! I'll be 14 weeks tomorrow. One thing I have learned from being pregnant so far is that people are VERY excited, curious, and ask you a lot of questions.....like all the time. Which is fine...I don't mind. I would rather be the one answering the questions instead of asking them. Being that my job involves a constant revolving door of pregnant women I try not to ask a lot of questions because I know they get the same one all the time....plus when they get to me I have enough questions to ask them.... Most of the same exact ones everyone else has been asking her the entire pregnancy!! So here it goes. 10 questions of all the things you might be wondering....or not.

  1. How are you feeling?  Well compared to how I know I could be feeling I feel great. Only time I feel really bad is early in the morning right when I get up, or if I get hungry. I am pretty much hungry all the time.... that has been worse then anything else! I feel like i eat all the time!!

   2. When are you due? Well technically when ever baby decides it is....but April 13 is the official 40 week date. Of course I pray baby doesn't come early and comes after 38 weeks.

  3. When do you find out what it is? On baby's birthday....thats right....on baby's birthday... yes people still do that. It's not as uncommon as you think. 

  4. Why are you not finding out what it is? Because its more fun that way! And because I can!! No, for real, I feel like its one of those things God gives us that we have no control over and finding out what it is isn't going to change anything. We still love an want this baby despite if its a boy or a girl. Plus we are not pink or blue people. We are color and modern and it wouldn't matter either way. I want to focus on getting the things that I will need and could reuse again for future babies instead of getting everything in pink or blue, which I feel would happen if we knew.

Also, this is a compromise between Eric and I. He wants to know but since we are both a stickler for names I have given up rights to the name for this wonderful surprise. 

  5.  How are you going to connect and talk to your baby if you dont know what it is??  REALLY?? I was kinda taken back when a patient's family member asked me this..... Well women have not known the sex of their baby for MANY, MANY, MANY years and they all turned out ok. My mom didn't know what me or my sister was and we are ok. It's not that serious. I still talk and sing and connect with my baby now and even if we were finding out I wouldn't know what it was at this point. Thats not going to change. I just can't call it by name... I call it peanut or Baby C.  

 6. What are you going to do the room in?  It's called gender neutral people :) It's possible! We haven't landed on anything particular yet but anyone who knows me knows I LOVE elephants and giraffes. I also sold Eric on it so it's definitely going to have both of those things worked into the theme. Plus we can always add girlish or boyish accessories in later. It's going to be us, and thats all that matters!

  7. Are you showing?  Well, some days I feel "bigger" then others. I looked down yesterday and there was a bump. But if you didn't know any better you would think I just had a muffin top! Ha! I feel like the "muffin top" is getting bigger by the day though 

  8. Are you going to work at St. Francis? This is a clear and big NO! I prayed for many months and even ended up applying praying that if that was where I was supposed to go the Lord would put me there. I was given my answer and it was no. I am a firm believer that you should ask God a question if you are not ready for his answer, even if its not what you want, or thinking you want. The door simply didn't open for me and I'm and completely content with that. And here is why. I got the email in June that I would not be getting an interview. I got pregnant in July, found out in August. If I would have gotten and excepted a job there I would have lost all of my time off and had to go probably around a month with out pay. 

Another reason I think the door did not open for me is I feel like I still have more to learn. Working at Doctors I didn't deal with a ton of high risk patients and hardly any preterm patients. I still have never done a delivery with multiples. These are all things I will get experience with at Midtown Medical (formally the Medical Center) and probably never have to deal with at St. Francis. I'm excited. One thing I have learned as a nurse is that you can never stop learning. There will always be something more you can learn. I am still a "young" nurse, so this will be good for me. I start on Monday! This being said, St. Francis is going to have a beautiful facility with some great nurses just like the Medical Center. Either way I feel like you almost cant go wrong either place you go. ;)

  9. Where are you going to deliver? Midtown Medical. I don't think I have to explain this one. 

 10.  Are you sure your not going to find out what it is? I already know what it is...its a baby :) and yes. I'm positive. You will have to wait and ponder just like us!! 

One to grow on.... 

  11. Do you have any names? Really this is a question for Eric, but yes we have a girl name. No boy name just yet he is still deciding. We are not going to share them for a while I think. We might just wait for the birth the tell that too!

To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven Ecclesiastes 3:!

Can I just say.... I hate change....Ok its not necessarily that I hate it. I guess afraid it a better word. Afraid of losing what I have, even if its not working. Afraid of the unknown...is it going to be an easy tradition, one I find better and not as bad as I thought, or is it going to be challenging and difficult for me to find my place and to catch on.  And the weird thing about it is that you can know its coming and still be surprised when it happens no matter how long you knew about it. It always seems to sneak up on you. Before you know it its here and you can no longer escape it and you have no choice but to confront it.....Either way.... it all SUCKS!! (my mother hates that word) The reality in life is....change is inevitable....its going to happen.
I remember right before I got married I was so ready to move and start the next phase in my life, live on my own finally be completely independent (what the heck was I thinking??!!) As the months turned into weeks and the weeks turned into days I still had not packed my room to move.... I couldn't do it. I realized I would never have my own room again, never have my own space, my own bed, my own closet....it was weird.... and I resisted...by not packing. Like that was going to stop it from happening. My best friend ha to come and MAKE me pack. Actually I think she ended up doing most of it!!! lol!!
Change is about to happen in my life again. I have resisted it for about a year, denying it was happening or coming.....but it has. I can no longer resist. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried or afraid of whats to come or how this will change my everyday life. I just don't know. What I do know is that resisting the change is only going to make me more stressed and afraid. I know the Lord is in control and he will put me in the position that I am supposed to be in to do the most good for his kingdom. I am a servant for him and by trade so where ever I can serve him most, is where I will be.
If you are resisting change in your life, give it to the Lord. He tells us not to worry but to trust in him. Believe me, I know thats easier said then done.
When I was ending nursing school I was literally getting to the point where I thought I was losing my mind. I was getting married 3 weeks after graduation, I had finals, exit exams and boards to study for and pass. If I did not pass the exit exam it meant Eric and I could not go on our honeymoon that was already paid for....it was serious. And I seriously thought I was about to LOSE IT!!! I got to a point where I just had to stop. I had to put down the books, know that everything that was learned had been learned and there was nothing else I could do but pray. And pray I did. I also asked others to pray for me, which I hardly ever do. Every time I thought about it I prayed. Guess what??? He did it, because Lord knows I couldn't do alone! I was mentally done! But I passed....not with flying colors....but I passed!! So today thats what I do. When I start to panic on the inside I say a little pray to myself to calm down and know who in control of this mess of a world I live in. He has the perfect plan for all of our lives. I hope I can continue to remember this.

2006 wasn't that long ago!

All of these graduations lately have me thinking of my own..... a whole 7 years ago! I was so excited to finally be done with school, and move on with what I was planning to do.....NURSING! I was tired of the structure, and the dang bell dictating my days. I was tired of trying to find a parking spot every morning and trying my best to not get sideswiped by a bus, or a car (which actually did happen eventually). Tired of making sure I had clothes for band and dinner theater everyday. I was even tired of some of the people. Luckily I wasnt one of those girls that was in a ton of drama....but I had my fair share. I was just done.....and tired!
What I didn't realize was the hardest part was yet to come. I wasn't one of those kids that made all A's...I made pretty much As and Bs (with a few Cs due to one particular, god awful, ridiculous teacher who shall not be named....but was later fired). But.....I didn't study a whole lot. You should have seen what happened when I did that in college!!! Lets just say it didn't work! I worked my but off in Human Anatomy....I studied ALL THE TIME!! I didn't go anywhere without flash cards and books! It was ridiculous!!! I was in the lab with my dead cat many nights when my friends were else where. It did not come easy for me.
All that stuff that I was so ready to get rid of in high school I would have done all over again, and again, and again!! As you can tell my 4 years in college were not very fun. I was so ready to be an adult and more independent and away from all the structure...but after I got away from it I craved it! In most college classes you are simply a number....you very rarely are known by your name, or have relationship with your professors (except in nursing school...different world....they were great!) They could care less if your late, if you did your work, if you wore your pajamas or a ball gown....no one cared. Some teachers would let you in late, some would shut the door in your face and not think twice (true story....saw it happen....not to me of course) It's just a different world you get thrusted into with out really any warning.
Even now as a married, 25 year old, with a career, and a mortgage and hopefully a growing family soon I still dont feel like an adult.  And the crazy thing is all those years I was wanting to grow up I didn't realize I had the entire rest of my life to be adult like!!
So, for my two favorite graduates Savannah and Justin (and let me just say I used to consider these two the "little" kids I would hang out with...not so little anymore. They are pretty much my equals now) live your life for the now! You are never going to be 18 again and you have a lot of adult years ahead. Decisions and problems are now going to be for you to take care of a figure out on your own with out the help of your parents to guide you or to do it for you.... and it stinks.  Eric and I are so proud of y'all! We know you both are going to do great things!!
Also, today is my sister's 22 birthday!!Happy Birthday Melissa! Hope you have a great day!!

Quarter of a Century old...When did this happen??

Thats right people....today I turn 25. My car insurance is lower and i officially and no longer in my "early twenties" CRAZY!! So in celebration of my birth I give you

"25 things you may or may have not known about Dara Alizabeth (Davies) Crouch!!"

1. I was born in Germany at 7:41 am on April 4, 1988....but technically here in the US is was 11:41 pm on April 3....so I really have 2 birthdays. I have been trying to tell my mom this for years that I REALLY have 2 "birthdays" and both should be equally celebrated....she, however, disagrees.
2. My mother named me...yup blame her for the fact that it took you 10 times to learn the correct pronunciation of my name....and for the miss pronunciation of my name at my high school  graduation. 
3. I have a small obsession with cake, pizza, and bread.....and elephants and owls.
4. I wasn't, what I would consider, popular in high school. But I knew just about everybody.
5. I played basketball in the 9th grade....true story....look it up. I didn't say I was good. I just said I played...more like kept the bench warm! HA!
6. If I ever come across a lot of money I want to buy my own zoo....or maybe a farm..... It just has to have an elephant....named Betsy
7. I love camping. Wish Eric did.
8. I love to travel. Put me on a plane and let me go!
9. I wish I could live at Hogwarts!! 
10. Speaking of Hogwarts I have read every Harry Potter book at least 2 times....some of them 3 times. 
11. My favorite sport is Quidditch....ok I know.... I'm a little obsessed...I dont really have a favorite sport. But I prefer football, baseball, or basketball. 
12. I have wanted to deliver babies since I was 9 years old. There is pretty much nothing else I ever wanted to do....ok maybe at one point in time I wanted to be a teacher and a dentist....at the same time.
13. I still have terrible dreams, most consisting of being in school and showing up to finals without having gone to class.....I have been out of high school and 7 years and college for 3. Crazy stuff. 
14. My dream trip would be to Europe. I have wanted to go since I first found out about Princess Diana when I was about 8 I guess and wanted to go to England....but why I'm there I would want to  go to Paris and Rome
15. That being said, I have an slight obsession with the Royal family. I actually own the Royal wedding on dvd.....I know....Its weird. Don't judge.
16. My earliest memories consist of my Dad coming home from Desert Storm. Then visiting my sister in the hospital when she was born. I took her a pink elephant of course! 
17. I have a terrible habit of collecting water bottles on my night stand. Well, really drinking cups in general. It drives eric nuts!
18. I used to HATE being tall....I mean HATE!!! I couldn't stand that every guy I liked/dated was shorter then me. Plus all my friends were shorter and cuter then my tall lanky self and they didn't have to worry about finding a guy taller then them.Then I met Eric. Now I wouldn't trade being tall to be short any day of the week. Yall can have that!
19. I hate washing dishes. So glad I met a man that can't stand a dirty sink so that I dont have to do the dishes!
20. I have only had 4 jobs since 16. I can honestly say I have learned something from each of them that makes me a better person/employee today. 
21. I'd rather be at the beach then the mountains. 
22. I was supposed to join the Air Force or Army after high school and go to nursing school from there...but for some reason I thought that because I wanted to deliver babies, they would not make me deploy....till I realized the Air force/Army wouldn't care what I wanted and I would more then likely get deployed. Yeah...there went that plan
23. Not too many things make me cry, but show me a slideshow of pictures paired with a sappy song, and the tears will flow. 
24. I learned to cook mostly from Pintrest....thank GOD for Pintrest!!!
25. I am super excited about planting and caring for my very first garden this year!! If I can ever get Eric to get it tilled up!

There you go....25 useless tid bits of info you never thought you even needed to know. =)

This year has taught me a lot. I started paying attention to my health more then ever. I did something I never thought I would ever do, and ran a half marathon....I don't think the word "run" or "marathon" was ever in my vocabulary before. I have learned that I don't have to jump on a bandwagon to be happy. I am taking life as it comes and appreciating what I have now. I love the fact that I can sleep till noon if I want to, and if I still don't want to get off the couch till 3pm I don't have too!! So many of my friends don't have this option anymore, and although I would like to join their club soon, I am taking advantage of the life I have while it last.
Right now I am currently eating frozen pizza and watching Kortney and Kim take Miami and then Nashville and 19 kids and counting on DVR....cant get enough of those Duggers! Eric has class tonight, and since I had to work last night I slept most of the day. Also, i rained today, which on your wedding day is a sign of good luck....wonder if it applies to birthdays?!
Happy Birthday to ME!!!

Dear Lord...

I dont do this a whole lot. Like I've said before, I don't like to put all of my problems on Facebook or look for sympathy, or attention. But I have been dealing with a lot lately health wise and with life in general.  Health wise, on the outside, it seems like I have never been healthier, but on the inside my blood levels are sorta out of whack. I miss going to the doctor and them telling me that there is nothing wrong with my levels. At one point after leaving a doctors appointment upset and crying cause she basically scared me into thinking I could be in some serious trouble with my kidneys.  I just came home and didn't get out of bed till it was time to go back to work the next night. But after talking to a few coworkers and my midwife I decided to go see a different physician. After seeing him I realized its probably not as bad as that other doctor made it out to be. After a few more test I may be cleared from seeing this doctor, which make me very happy and able to move on with some plans we have for the summer ;) I have been trying to remember that the Lord has my health in his hands. I am lucky and blessed, after everything I have been tested for, every thing has come back negative. I try to think of my friend Lisa when she was told her 3year old son had cancer and needed a bone marrow transplant, and after watching her son dealing with and then beating cancer, having her own health scare. Or my co worker Miranda who fought and beat breast cancer. Or this poor boy a lot of people have seen on Facebook, Tripp Halstead. He was at daycare and a dead limb fell out of a tree and hit him in the head. That was 4 months ago and he has been in the hospital ever since with serious brain injury. Reading her updates and everything they have been through is heartbreaking. But they praise the Lord for his achievements and his good days, and trust and pray when he has set backs. Then I realize, I am BLESSED! I look at three women, and these two boys and know that I am not so bad off after all. It could always be worse....and guess what.....one day we are all going to have something!
ITP wise I dont have to go back till MAY!! YAY! The longest I have gone so far before having to see my hematologist Dr. Nukula!
There are a few other things going on in life that is making things complicating and stressful. Things that I cant really go into detail with. I know it is so annoying when people say that.....its like why tell people about it if you really cant tell them about it.....but really, I can't. Just know that Eric and I are currently going through some life changes and having to make decisions on what and where to go next and waiting for that this chapter to close and another to open and trying to trust the lord through everything that is happening and trusting in his plan and his timing because it is perfect and I am NOT! So if you have some space in your prayers say one for me. I know in the end God has complete control. So I give it all to him!