The first 100 days of our marriage have had their ups and downs. No one wants to tell you the bad parts of marriage....the days were you want to be on opposite sides of the house, and play the silent treatment, or the ones were you get so mad you try sleeping on the couch and realize that your bed is much more comfy so you stay far away as you can so you dont touch........I know it happens in every marriage, but no one really talks about it. I am the first to admit that we are by no means perfect and we dont always have the most perfect relationship. I dont think anyone really does.....no matter how perfect they make it out to be. I think every marriage goes threw crap at some point in time. And if anyone tells you they do...they are lying. There is no one in this world that can make me laugh more then Eric can and sometimes thats what gets us through. Once again I did not know Heath very well at all, but I think through his death Eric and I have both realized that life is short, and it can be taken from you in an instant. I think this has helped (at least me) to not get so worked up about the stupid stuff. It just isnt worth it. I would hate myself if the last time I saw him I had called him a name, or been mad at him over something stupid.....I am sure he would too. No one said doing all this at one time was going to be easy.....infact most people said I was crazy and I would regret it because I would have time to appreciate it.....but I dont. With that said work has been insane!!
Since my preceptor has been out sick I have kinda been on my own a little faster then I would have probably liked......ok alot faster then I would have liked. The first day I felt completely lost with out her.....she is kinda like the little birdie in my ear reminding me about what I am missing/ forgetting to do.....and I didn't have my birdie that day......but I made it through, delivered my baby and it wasn't a terrible day after all. This week I did 3.5 c-sections and a delivery....plus I got my first scolding from a doctor....which ended in tears....which ended in a
"wait a minute!!.......there is nothing else I could have done to make that better...so there"!! I honestly dont know why I got so upset....but looking back the tears started when he said "If you were a GOOD nurse you would have..........." but there is really nothing else I could have done to make it better. Days like that day was a day I would like to label a DOS......Day Of Survival. I guess my biggest fear as a nurse is that I am not going to know what to do.....or do the wrong thing......or for get to chart what I did when I did it. My birdie is returning tomorrow....PTL!!! But I guess the whole blessing in this is now that I had that time without her, I know when the time comes for me to officially be on my own it may now be such a stress and fear.....because I have kinda already done it all on my own. One of my instructors works with me and now has students on the floor....I was looking through my charts she came up to me and said " I almost asked you if you needed any help...but then I realized you were doing this for real......" Yeah it was an experience being there with students. Not only because I was one of them last year but I felt like I was almost one of them....just getting paid and with alot more responsibility. There is no doubt that I do love my job. I have wanted to be what I am for as long as I can remember and I am trying my darndest to prove to them that I may only be 22 and fresh out of school, but that I know my stuff, and that I want to be there....and If i dont know my stuff that I ask. I hope that I am changing people minds about me.
One more thing before I go. I have been inspired lately by nothing more then cup cakes. I love to bake and I am seriously thinking about selling gourmet cupcakes. More to come on that though. Thanks for reading....who ever is. I may only have 4 followers but I really hope more people are reading then that.
