Sunday, November 21, 2010

Day 174


So just because everyone keeps asking, yes we did go on a cruise, we didn't have the greatest time ....and I will just leave it at that. If you must know you can message me personally. We do have one decent picture.

So there you are.....our trip to the Bahamas.

I have been thinking lately about the word "friend" and what it means to call someone a friend and what it means to be a friend. I have never had a ton of friends.....not real ones anyways. I have around 3 or four that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I need them to come wipe my butt they would be there.....ok so maybe not that drastic....lol. But one of them did hold my wedding dress up 5 min before I walked down the aisle at my wedding because I had nervous pee syndrome... a true friend.
You know everyone has many groups of friends.....you have your acquaintances....the ones you say hey to in passing because you know each other you wont really take the time to stop and talk to the in the grocery store......you know you do it.....
Then you have the people you work with....who sometimes become really good friends with, and then I am sure there are many other groups.
I have struggled even most recently with considering someone a friend and finding out later.....they really weren't my friend at all. And nothing drives me nuts more then someone acting like they like me to my face when I know darn well they are talking about me behind my back and really don't like me at all.....don't sit there and give me a hug when you don't like me at all. I dont care to spend my time with those who dont value my presence. I mean not to say that I should get a red carpet and balloons and a party every time I show up somewhere.....but at least that the person actually cares that I showed up. I hope that makes sense.
Anyone who has ever gone through this you know how it feels. And it pretty much sucks....and it hurts. It hurts to know that even as an adult that I am still not good enough for some people. I am who I am. I am too old to fight for someone to be my friend.
As much as it sucks I know that it was meant for me to go trough this and I am walking away and thinking of it as a learning experience. I think the biggest thing I have learned is to invest more time in the friends that I love. In fact I had dinner with two of them this week. It was filling for my soul. Please pray for Eric and I as it is not just me going through this but Eric as well.
Also we are going through a transition in our lives right now. We have a big decision to make together....and we are just hoping everything goes smoothly and works out. We ask that even though you don't know what it is to pray for us. You will find out hopefully soon. We are choosing not to tell everyone just yet till we know for sure that it is actually happening. Thanks! Hope everyone has a great, short week at work, and a good holiday. Give thanks to the Lord for all the many blessing in your life. Hopefully we will have a very big blessing soon. =)

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