I know I haven't blogged for a while. Things have kinda been insane and exhausting. Plus there wasn't much to tell. I was pregnant and ready to meet my baby!!
My water broke around 1:30 in the morning. Since I had planned to not get an epidural and not really contracting I stayed at home. My birthing ball and FRIENDS (the tv show) kept me occupied till 6 or so that morning when Eric woke up and I made all of the necessary call to let everyone know we were going to be on our way to the hospital soon.
It was so crazy realizing we would not be returning home alone. It was rainy and nasty that day. I was uncomfortable but not hurting. When we got to the hospital around 8:30 I was greeted by my wonderful friend Kelley who was going to be my nurse!! I was so excited she was there. It calmed me because we had been talking about my labor since before I was even pregnant. She knew exactly what I wanted and how I wanted it. Between her, Camille, and my midwife I knew I was in the best hands possible. Nicole (the midwife) checked me and I was 3! YAY! Change! So I went walking. I walked and got on the ball, and showered, broke the rest of the bag of water (OMG how GROSS!! I knew it would keep coming, I tell my patients that all the time. Its completely different when you have it done to you....its gross!!)
So I walked and rested and walked and got on the ball..... and walked. Some where during this time it got to the point where walking was no longer an option. I had been ruptured for too long with only a small amount of change and irregular contractions still. So Pitocin it was. Grrr. I was hoping not to have to get pitocin. But I knew it was coming. I had tried everything else. If pitocin was the worst thing I had to do it was better then a c-section! I have no idea what time it was by this point but I do remember looking out the window and mentioning it was dark again.... Thats right AGAIN!! I had been in labor for 18 hours by this point. I was checked at some point and I was 6cms. I dont remember much after this point. Labor had become real and I was in total tune with what my body was doing. A room that I had welcomed with conversation (it distracted me from the pain) was now quiet. I was now the one making noise!! All I could do was breath...with a few choice words inserted here and there. Apparently I was quite funny during this time. I wish I could remember. I was in a constant state of prayer, and connecting with my baby telling it to COME OUT....NOW!!! I did and said things (like almost kicking my best friend in the face....sorry Camille!) that I don't remember saying or doing!!
Then I hit that point. The point I tell every women about who tells me they want to go natural. The point of doubt. Where the pain is so unbearable and you want so badly for it to just stop that you start telling anyone in the room that will listen that you cant do it......that you are surely going to die. Just so you know...I was no where near dying....but I felt like I was darn close. The pressure was ungodly. I had to push way before I was able to. If you have ever felt that, you know what I am talking about. Its awful. The next thing I do remember was Melissa, the midwife, checking me and telling me I was 8cms. I was so mad because I just knew I had to push but couldn't. This was SO HARD!! 45min (or so) later I was told I was 9...."Do you want to push pass it??" YES!!! I pushed and I was complete. I pushed again....There was hair!! I pushed again....more hair!!! I pushed again....even more hair! Another push....there was a head....another push.....IT'S A GIRL!!! It was a GIRL!!! AND SHE HAD HAIR!! I was in complete shock!! I had been told my entire pregnancy that people just knew it was a boy. I secretly wanted a girl the whole time but would never admit it. I didn't want to be disappointed. We were so excited! Then it hit me....I had achieved my goal, what everyone told me I wouldn't be able to do (or my favorite....."just wait.....you'll get to 4 and be begging for an epidural"). I couldn't believe I had done it! Did I really just give birth....without any medication?? I did!! 21 hours later my girl was in my arms. I was just in shock and complete love. I couldn't believe she was mine! She was ours! Eric had been so good through the entire labor. Not to mention I had the BEST group of women ever. All friends/co-workers. All made my desire for a natural labor possible. They reminded me to relax, rubbed my back, my legs, my feet. If it would not have been for them I would have surely acted a fool!! I would not have been able to keep myself calm for sure! They were the best! (I did miss my Courtney though!)
I was told afterwards I kept saying over and over again " what just happened? Did I really just have a baby?? OMG I just had a baby?? Are sure she's mine?!? What just happened??" The best way I can describe it or explain it was almost out of body. I guess because I have, for 4 years, been the nurse beside the patient telling them to push, you can do it, push, push, push. I guess in my mind I was the nurse standing on the side of the bed....not the actual patient in the bed. I know. It's weird. But it really wasn't until that night while I was breastfeeding my new baby that I had actually realized what I had done. And after thinking about it, it wasn't really all that bad. No I didn't forget that pain. That part was real. But for my first baby and being awake since 1:30 am, being ruptured for as long as I was, what i did was pretty amazing. I was always impressed with the girls who came in and stuck with their plans even though it took longer, and didn't go exactly as planned. Realizing I did what I had set out to do made it all the more sweeter. My reward was no different. I delivered a healthy baby and in the end that was the ultimate goal, no matter how it was going to happen.
Neyland will be 7 weeks tomorrow! Where has the time gone? It has not been the easiest 7 weeks. Labor was the easy part!! Breastfeeding has no been what I thought it would be. Its so much harder then these hard core breastfeeding moms make it out to be. None the less we are working through the hard days and still breastfeeding, except for her last feed at night due to the fact that she will have to take a bottle at night when I go back to work. We wanted to have a well established bed time routine before I went back. She is also sleeping in her own crib and most nights through the night!! I return back to work in 2 weeks. I can't believe its already time =(. But thankfully Eric will be out of school and his mom will take over when he goes back. By then she will be 4 months old! Thats crazy to me because we found out we were pregnant the weekend before he went back to school last year!
**** PSA: My birth birth without medication does not make it any more special then anyone else. Birth is a miracle no matter how it occurs. It is what I do and I know from experience as long as there is a healthy baby in the end that is all that matters. This was my choice, my goal, my birth experience that I desired. In the end as long as you are happy with your birth experience that is all that matters!
